phobia13

I’d feel depressed if I could, as is I just feel removed.  It’s nice actually.  

you know what’s awful? when people post things and you think they might be talking about you but you’re not sure and you can’t react to it or else you’ll seem like you think everything is about you, but it might be, but you’re not sure.  That’s awful.

Also awful, I stole my friends phone by accident.  I have no phone.

I’m not like other people I don’t like other people, I don’t fight with equals and I never tried to deceive you.  Please do realize that I’m me, to find me is to try and design me, because I am nothing if not for another and I a blank slate hiding undercover as a person working as a desertion of your prior assertions, so am I deserving of your inert coercions to be another me for you? it true that that concept’s played out like the truth, it might be you who’s supposed to save yours true-ly, who me? I’m not looking forward to going back to eating sushi, you heard it, it’s not like you allergic and it’s not like we’ve been feeling all these feelings and they won’t ever surface and it’s not like I don’t want to be with you all the time and it’s not like I didn’t try to get you on the line and it’s not like this is any sort of end and it’s not like I don’t have friends and it’s starting to grow on me that without you I’d be not only incredibly lonely but only me, instead of me and you, it’d be like truth without proof, without use.  I’d be useless and who’d guess that I’d end up dependent on a friendship that’s a bit more, I forget we’re not friends but I still keep score.  I know I can be me sometimes and I try to be perfect and perfectly at peace sometimes and I’m sorry if I am mean sometimes but please believe that while we don’t always agree sometimes, I’d lay my goddam life on the line just to find out what could make your eyes shine with laughter and to convince that life isn’t just a disaster and to make you close your eyes in rapture anyway I’m sorry I missed you on the phone and I’m sorry that I sometimes roam and I’m sorry that sometimes I misuse but really I really do miss you 

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